One day, our neighbours visited us to meet our one-month-old baby. Casual conversations led to the challenges with infants. They have a teenage daughter. Reminiscing her childhood, they were explaining how they dealt with those early parenthood challenges.
It’s interesting how all parents have faced similar challenges, dealt with them differently and yet were able to come out of those situations successfully. It amuses me to think that so many babies are born everyday, there are only handful of issues that people face with infants and yet there is no foolproof solution. These problems include baby not sleeping, jaundice after birth, latching issue, feeding difficulties etc. On the brighter side, these experiences help people connect with each other on a different level.
Amid our conversation my neighbour said, “She (their daughter) is a grown up now. She can even travel on her own.”
Reflecting on my childhood I replied, “That should be okay, right? I was staying in hostel at her age.”
She responded, “Yeah, I know. She will also go to hostel in a few years.”
She had accepted it as a fact but I could feel the sadness in her voice.
First and foremost I regretted my response. So much is taught about good listening etiquette. I am aware that we should avoid comparing anyone’s experience. It doesn’t help the conversation, just ends up making other person uncomfortable. Yet I did it… A lesson to remember.
Also, I realised that I was still thinking as a daughter, not as a mother. I remember when I was in hostel, I used to go home almost every weekend. Even then, if my mother was in town for some office work, she used to visit me in hostel. She would bring me food, fold my clothes, tidy my bed etc. I remember thinking why she has to come to hostel when I would come home on weekend anyway.
Maybe that day I saw what my mother might have felt and realised why she used to come all the way to meet me. Now she is no more, so I can’t even tell her that I understand her now.
Guess I can just say that I am starting to understand motherhood now.
ecodhara 