Author: ecodhara

I understand now..

I understand Judgement better now!

ecodhara

This happened during a 10-day Vipassana meditation course that I attended. Before telling you the story, let me give you some context about Vipassana, it will help the story. It’s a residential meditation course offered by S.N.Goenka (visit https://www.dhamma.org/). They have multiple meditation courses for 10, 20 and 30 days, all free of cost (donation based). Owing to Buddhism principles, there are some strict guidelines to be followed for those 10 days. 

  1. Meditators should observe ‘noble silence’ – should not speak to anyone for 10 days, only exception being queries to the teacher. Any eye contact should be avoided. 
  2. Meditators can have an alarm clock, water bottle, toiletries and clothes. No gadgets, jewellery, books or anything else.
  3. No contact with outside world for 10 days. No phone calls were allowed unless emergency.
  4. Food only twice a day except for elders and pregnant women. 
  5. Wake up bells (yes bells!) at 4AM, sleep by 9.30PM.
  6. No contact between men & women during the course. Both courses are separated.

So in summary, get up early, meditate all the time till you sleep. It’s tough. 

There were many registrations – maybe due to year-end holidays – so a third lady was added into our room originally designed for two people. So two of us had a cot with mattress to sleep on, she (third lady) had only mattress and was sleeping on the floor. 

We did not talk to each other for 10 days. Our schedule was almost mechanical. We all had our own alarm clock. Lady on other cot used to get up and get ready first (let’s call her Firsty), followed by me and then the third lady (let’s call her Lasty). So Firsty used to be present early for all meditation sessions, I used to reach on time and Lasty used to skip morning bath and barely manage to reach on time.

Meditation sessions used to go on from 4.30AM till 7PM, followed by a discourse for 1.5 hrs. We had 4-5 breaks in between and one hour of lunch break I guess. We all used to finish lunch within 30 minutes and then just sit somewhere (alone) to pass time. Lasty used to sleep for some time in the room in this break. In fact, whenever I went to the room during breaks (sometimes during self-meditation time), I mostly saw her sleeping. 

We start forming opinion about someone right from the instant we see them and it gets refined as the time passes by. Ideally, I had no contact with these two ladies  & meditation was overwhelming in itself, so I had no reason to form any opinion about them.  But… Has anyone been able to stop the mind from doing what it wants? 

I was surely not. 

So my perception of Firsty was that of an ideal person – sincere, devoted, calm and other good things. Though I used to get irritated by 3.30AM alarm, I considered that as a sign of timeliness. My perception of Lasty was not that great – lazy, uninterested, barely managing the course. I sometimes wondered if her reason for this course was to take some rest. 

10 days passed by and the course ended. After completion of the course, teacher told us that we should feel good about completing the course, not all have completed it. We got to know about some quarrels, some people leaving the course on 4th-5th day and some people not being able to follow ‘no talking’ guidelines. 

Then, we were allowed to talk with each other. That’s when I got to know both my roommates.

Firsty was apparently a newly married housewife, who wanted to take control of her anger and subsequent state of mind – that was her reason for the course. 

Lasty was a police officer. She had sent her son to children’s Vipassana course earlier and saw difference in him, so she had taken leave and joined the course herself. 

So I was partially (or maybe totally, I don’t know) correct about firsty. She was resolute, in fact all of us were, who made through 10 days and felt a difference. 

But it also made me realise how incorrect I was about Lasty. Lasty being a police officer, I could imagine how her day would be hectic and unpredictable. So her habit of taking rest whenever possible made so much more sense. She had sent her son and then came for the course herself – which showed her interest and dedication both. It’s difficult for a mother + working woman to take out 10 days in no contact scenario.

I am still in touch with lasty, she is following daily 1 hour meditation even after 6+ years. I have not been able to follow it. She inspires me to start again!

Those 10 days taught me a lot about myself, one of it being not to make judgements about people unnecessarily and surely not to act on those prejudices. Because, you never know, what you will discover about them in due course of time. 

I surely understand judgement better now!

I understand now..

I understand motherhood better now…

ecodhara

One day, our neighbours visited us to meet our one-month-old baby. Casual conversations led to the challenges with infants. They have a teenage daughter. Reminiscing her childhood, they were explaining how they dealt with those early parenthood challenges.

It’s interesting how all parents have faced similar challenges, dealt with them differently and yet were able to come out of those situations successfully. It amuses me to think that so many babies are born everyday, there are only handful of issues that people face with infants and yet there is no foolproof solution. These problems include baby not sleeping, jaundice after birth, latching issue, feeding difficulties etc.  On the brighter side, these experiences help people connect with each other on a different level.

Amid our conversation my neighbour said, “She (their daughter) is a grown up now. She can even travel on her own.” 

Reflecting on my childhood I replied, “That should be okay, right? I was staying in hostel at her age.”

She responded, “Yeah, I know. She will also go to hostel in a few years.” 

She had accepted it as a fact but I could feel the sadness in her voice. 

First and foremost I regretted my response. So much is taught about good listening etiquette. I am aware that we should avoid comparing anyone’s experience. It doesn’t help the conversation, just ends up making other person uncomfortable. Yet I did it… A lesson to remember.

Also, I realised that I was still thinking as a daughter, not as a mother. I remember when I was in hostel, I used to go home almost every weekend. Even then, if my mother was in town for some office work, she used to visit me in hostel. She would bring me food, fold my clothes, tidy my bed etc. I remember thinking why she has to come to hostel when I would come home on weekend anyway. 

Maybe that day I saw what my mother might have felt and realised why she used to come all the way to meet me. Now she is no more, so I can’t even tell her that I understand her now. 

Guess I can just say that I am starting to understand motherhood now.

With my one month old baby
I understand now.., Uncategorized

I understand teamwork better now

ecodhara

We all understand that childbirth is difficult. Childbirth through normal delivery (NVD) makes the experience even more difficult, with intense labor pain & contractions.

I had a normal delivery. 17 hours of wait in the hospital after my water broke, 2-3 hours of labor pain and I was ready to give birth. I was in great pain, screaming loudly, trying to push the baby out. My gynae was telling me, “Baby’s head is visible. You just have to push a little more and baby will be out in the world”. I was so exhausted that I remember asking the gynae “Can’t you take the baby out? I can’t push anymore.” She just smiled; she was confident that I can.

The labor room was full with women assisting the gynae and me during delivery. There was an anaesthetist amongst them. Just after the conversation above, she told me not to scream or make any sound and push with all my strength during contractions. That advice helped. I was able to push the baby out quickly. 

Later that day, a nurse asked if I received enough help and about overall feedback of delivery process. I told her that my feedback was good and mentioned that the anaesthetist was really nice, her advice helped a lot. The nurse said “Everyone here is good only madam”. I tried explaining why I felt anaesthetist was good, justifying myself.

Later it got me thinking. There were 10-12 women in labor room helping me deliver the baby. Two nurses holding my legs to help me push, gynae making required cut and guiding the baby, duty doctor duly cleaning up and making stitches, three nurses cleaning the baby once out and all of them encouraging me to push the baby out. The chorus of “Push, push, push…” by all those women was filling up the room. It still lingers in my ears whenever I think about the delivery and I remember the confidence it gave me to be able to push through. How could I be grateful to only one lady? 

I recall a story from Ramayana – one associated with building Ram Setu – A bridge supposedly built by Lord Rama between India and Sri Lanka. Rama’s whole monkey army was building the bridge by carrying big rocks in the sea. Meanwhile, there was a squirrel running to & fro across the bridge. She used to carry sand in her fur and put it in crevices between the rocks. Everyone laughed at her seeing her work. Lord Rama recognised her contribution. However small, he said, its making the bridge stronger by closing the gaps; her will and dedication matters. He thanked her by running three fingers on her back. The legend says, thats the day Indian squirrel got three stripes on her back.

Legend aside, story of squirrel strikes me for two reasons. One is obvious – There are always multiple contributions in any project – small and big. Everyone should be recognised for their contribution. I also think that we remember squirrel because there is a story associated with it, which highlights squirrel’s contribution. Surely there would be many others who contributed but we don’t remember them.

I remembered the anaesthetist because her advice helped when I needed it. Also, it was not expected from her – she was anaesthetist – but she did what she thought would help, that made a mark on me. Others may not have given such advice but they were all helpful too. While I appreciate her, I should be grateful to all of them.

When working in a team, everyone may not be visible or be remembered but everyone contributes within their capacity. Dedication matters. Such contributions, though invisible, should be recognised. It’s also evident that if someone goes out of their way to help/make contribution, they will be remembered.

I understand teamwork better now!

I understand now..

I understand cognitive overload now

ecodhara

We are planning to travel to my hometown with 2.5 months old baby. It will involve air travel where my husband and I have to manage the baby, 1 month worth of luggage. You might think one month of luggage for minimalists like us won’t be much and I agree. The problem is that our baby is not a minimalist, rather I would call her a maximalist. She needs bunch of clothes everyday and her mother being a Sustainbility enthusiast has increased her clothes. Where some people may manage by 4-5 diapers and can buy those anywhere, this baby needs 20-30 langots which are to be carried along. She needs a bather, feeding pillow, changing mat, toys etc. Again, mumma needs all of this for the baby to make her life on her terms. So it’s not exactly baby’s fault that she is a maximalist. 

Anyway, the luggage is quite significant with all of this and baby’s Baba is worried that we might not be able to manage both the baby and luggage during air travel. Mumma thinks that it won’t be a big concern and they have to come to consensus. Baba’s point is that the cognitive overload with the baby may make things difficult. We have to look after the baby the whole time which is a priority, babies are unpredictable. Then there’s check-in luggage and cabin baggage will also be higher with laptop & baby’s essentials (which are many). Amidst of all this if someone asks for ticket, ID card or something else, our hands and brain may not be free and it might make things tough. To all of this, I was my usual self thinking he is worrying too much and we will be able to manage. How? Somehow…

Last week we went out for breakfast. Our favourite coffee shop is just in front of breakfast place, so we decided to have coffee as well. My husband suggested that I sit inside car with the baby and he would bring coffee to the car, but I was sure that I can manage with the baby. So we crossed the road and went towards coffee shop. Then, there was an ‘easy to miss’ step near coffee shop and my downward visibility was limited as I was holding the baby. So my husband turned around to check whether I am able to see the step and he tried giving me a hand. In all of this, his foot dashed a sleeping dog which got up suddenly and bit his knee as a reflex. Fortunately, dog was old so the wound was shallow but it warranted doctor checkup as a preventive measure. He had to rush to the hospital to get it checked by doctor. Doctor prescribed four Rabies injections dose to be safe. 

In the evening, he said, “that’s what I mean by cognitive overload and risk associated with it”.

I understand it now…

Rather I should say I understand ‘him’ now!

Travelled finally!
Uncategorized

Review of my ‘No buy challenge 2022’

ecodhara

At the start of 2022, I had taken no buy challenge for a few categories and had decided that I would buy nothing or very less of those items. Starting 2023 is a good time to review how I did with my challenge. Just penning it down here:

Max 5 clothes, no traditional wear – I had set limit of 5 clothes purchase maximum and I bought three – two jeans and one pant. Mainly I bought it because I have gained weight and I am not fitting in old pants anymore… I stayed true to ‘No saree or traditional wear’ oath.

No Art & craft material – I did buy one acrylic colour box for gifting purpose and that’s all. Gave away most of my art & craft material to interested people and I feel light now.

No notebooks and diaries – Bought one notebook for office purpose and that’s it. So I think I slipped a little but I am using the notebook everyday. I forgive myself.

No makeup items – I failed badly in following this. I got carried away by a sustainable brand sale and ended up buying two lipsticks and a foundation, which did not work out so well on me. I realised that I wasted the money and did not buy anything after that for almost 6 months.

Then again, I bought a makeup stick and a lipstick. Now I am also bought a set of three lip gloss second-hand (did not suit me 😔), so real purging in this stuff. I bought some self care products which I am happy for actually, using those everyday.

No furniture – This is another thing I missed. We bought a new house this year which was not in plan in January. So lot of making furniture and buying furniture happened. We tried to reduce buying furniture to the minimum and stocked to it. Frankly, I deterred from my goal here but no regrets.

No warm clothing/quilts – I did not buy any sweaters, woollens etc kind of stuff but I did buy quilts. With travel opening up and we buying a new house, many relatives visited us and we had around 7 people for a week staying with us. Frankly we were a little under-prepared for that. So we bought one quilt and that’s it.

No jewellery – I would not say this was 100% followed. I did buy one earring which I am using every day. Also, in our tradition, husbands has to give a gift to wife each Diwali. So for this Diwali I got my mangalsutra extended. So, these two long pending costly purchases.

No guitar accessories – This was my husband’s commitment. I think he did quite well here considering he did not buy anything extra as such.He did buy stands for monitor speakers and I am gifting him one practice amp, I guess that’s all.

So, that’s it! Some things I followed religiously while failed miserably at others, knowing or unknowingly.

I think I need a better system this year to constantly remind me not to buy things from my challenge category. Do you have any tips?

Random thoughts

Life without regets

ecodhara

Doesn’t everyone want life without regrets? No regrets in life, small or big, no regrets at all…

Let me ask you, does anyone of us have that life? Without regrets?

We know that would be ideal and happiest life but it’s difficult, really difficult. This got me into thinking about the regrets that I feel and how they evolve.

Some regrets last hours. Most of them are generally ‘Why didn’t I say this at that moment?’ Or ‘Why did I say this? Why couldn’t I keep quiet or say something more sensible?’ These regrets die down in a some hours or a couple of days.

The regrets that last for days are mostly related to wasted opportunities. It is rethinking about the activities that I did or did not do. ‘Why did I do or did not do something at that time?’ category. ‘I could have used that time well… made some connections… completed XYZ’ etc.

Thinking about regrets lasting months or years, I don’t have many. These are mostly related to the decisions I took or did not take. I understand everything is a decision, but what we regret for years are the decisions that make lasting impact… These are related to something that matters to us like our friends, family, life, career and relationships.

That got me thinking about Minimalism.

The regret of not buying something that I liked vs regret of buying something impulsively that is lying unused in my house.

The ‘not buying’ regret lasts for hours or maybe days sometimes, because many times there will be an opportunity to buy again, scold someone else for wrong decision 😉 or just do without it.

Whereas ‘buying’ regret is a constant reminder whenever I look at that piece I bought trying to find ways to use it somehow. We fail every time and it adds to the regret one more time. This becomes days-months-years regret depending on how long that thing lies unused.

Then just don’t look at it… okay! Let’s think about it later, not now please! That’s how things end up in attic or in those top or corner shelves piling up clutter.

Isn’t that the case with you as well?

I think ‘buying’ weighs more than ‘not buying’ in most cases.

When thinking about how many times I regretted the trip that I took or some activity that I did vs no. of times I regretted not doing something, missing that experience. Here I think the latter weighs more.

We are social animals looking for some dopamine rush, wanting to feel happy. We can get some easy dopamine by buying something (not easy on pocket though!) or by doing some activity – better with others (this needs some push!).

As the days or years pass by, those activities we did, time we spent with friends and family, those awkward & interesting conversations, those funny moments and life lived then… these give us a gift that stays forever – memories! There would be hardly any regrets!

Why not put those efforts now, Choosing time over things and make sure that we make most of it. What do you think?

Uncategorized

Not 100% convinced!

ecodhara

Now we have shifted to our new home and in process of setting it up. Since my husband is permanently working from home, he wants to have a good home office setup. One of the important aspect of working from home is online meetings. If you are going to meet everyone virtually all the time, it’s better to switch on your video during the call, it feels more connected.

With that thought in mind, one of the thing he is looking for is a good video camera so that he can easily switch on video for any meeting. With the whole setup i.e. monitor, keyboard, mouse etc, it’s not easy to use laptop camera. Monitor mounted camera works better. So he started looking for a camera, asked a few recommendations and got into his usual research mode.

With thanksgiving round the corner, Amazon was offering a lot of offers, most of the stuff he wanted was at 60-70% off. That’s a good deal right?

Looking at Amazon prices, first thought that comes to anyone’s mind is to buy it right away. ‘Anyway I need it and I can save money as well. The offer ends today! I will have to pay so much more if I miss this sale. I don’t even know if I will get such offer again! ‘

I saw my husband check the camera specs multiple times in that day. I even told him to buy it. At the end of the day, when I asked him if he ordered the camera, he said ‘No. I am not yet 100% convinced about buying it.’

That was interesting. Knowing the purchase, seeing an easy way to save money, thinking and rethinking about it whole day, he finally decided not to buy it and let go of the great price because –

He wasn’t 100% convinced!

How often do we do that? How often do we think how convinced we are. Most often than not, sale, offer, price influences our decisions. We think we may not get it again.

Once or twice we don’t buy the item instantly and we never get that deal again in future. we take that one experience and think that it may happen every time. This makes us buy things right away with that great offer.

It is one thing to buy with great offer when you are 100% sure and another thing to buy it because you may miss a great deal.

I learnt something that day. That is to always check if I am 100% convinced before I do something and if I am the decision maker, not to do it if I am not 100% convinced!

What do you think?

Uncategorized

Intertwined Thoughts

ecodhara

We see many photos… of garbage, plastic, dumps, cluttered roads. We look at the photo for two seconds, feel bad and forget the next moment. What creates a lasting impact is the seeing that garbage in reality with our own two eyes, albeit for two seconds. We also feel it when we feel the pinch of its effects – when foul smell of garbage irritates or when we don’t get to walk on a walkway due to cluttered roads. Those moments… yes exactly those moments when we curse others for not keeping it clean.. Unknowingly, do we introspect our habits?

I am back from a trip to Pondicherry. Taking advantage of a weeklong holiday, I was all set to enjoy the beaches, cool weather and nice food. Just when we reached that quiet town, ‘red alert’ for heavy rains kicked in and the unexpected started happening. I know, whatever can go wrong will go wrong -Murphy’s law. But still, what do you think my first thought would be? Untimely heavy rain – unpredictable weather – climate change.

Like I said, we realise it more when we feel the pinch. How many of us have found it absurd to have untimely rains in many parts of India? How many of us related it to climate-change? now think about how many of us would have thought about effects of climate change couple years back, when the weather was normal & predictable?

I see this as just a peak into the future.

So continuing the trip with rains, I was roaming on serenity beach when these fishing nets caught my eye. Me being me, first thing that I saw was plastic.. a lot of plastic. I know plastic is okay if it’s going to be used for a long time, it is durable and can stay in ocean water longer, it makes fisherman’s job easier etc etc… the thought that bothered me was if these nets break into ocean, will the fisherman bring it back? Will ocean allow them to get things out when they are not tied so strongly? Or will ocean clean it by itself?

So many pictures that we see – of the turtles being caught in fishing nets, of the fishes full of plastic in their stomach, of plastic nets floating around in deep sea – Why is that happening? How can we prevent it? Moreover, if someone wants to clean these nets from the sea, is it humanly possible?

I love sea, I love everything about it. We all know how huge it is, we all know that sea decides whether to drag something deep down inside or to throw something out on the shores, we have no control over it. I can clean the sea-shore but will I be able to get those pieces of fishing nets from that enormous belly of the sea?

Uncategorized

Epiphany by eggs

ecodhara

Today while coming back home, I realised I was supposed to make eggs for dinner as per my weekly plan. Generally I buy eggs in advance and always carry my egg carton to get the eggs in it. My forgetful brain had decided to vanish this reminder from my memory and I did not have any eggs in the house.

Being a zero-waste enthusiast, I resented the idea of getting into nearby store on my way back and buy eggs. In my experience you need to get either a carton of 6 eggs or shopkeeper will pack some eggs in single use plastic carry-bag. I hated both options, but I did not have anything else to cook for dinner so reluctantly I entered into the store.

We all know such times, when we suddenly remember to buy some grocery and realise that we don’t have a bag to carry it. Zero-waster in me hates me for taking single use plastic & minimalist hates me for having to buy a carry-bag unnecessarily. It was one of those days.

Upon entering the store, I saw these small packets kept alongside eggs. Yay! Now the eggs can be bought in loose & can be carried in the REUSED packets. I obviously knew that he has not taken that step to reduce plastic waste, rather it was born out of two things: customer convenience & cost saving for him (based on my many past interactions). Nonetheless, I liked the idea, it did solve my problem & I can see that the shopkeeper has increased life of that packet.

Empty chocolate packets beside the eggs

I conveyed my appreciation to the store owner. He said, he just tried to use what was a waste anyway.

Sometimes, we start despising plastic way too much while applying zero waste lifestyle. So much so that seeing an empty plastic packet gets on our nerves.

Sometimes, we become too critical of ourselves and of others. We think of idealistic lifestyle & blame ourselves for not following it rigorously.

Sometimes, such small changes we can’t appreciate because those are not the ideal ones.

Sometimes, we fail to realise that ‘Jugaad’ can also take us an inch towards zero waste lifestyle.

And many times, we fail to convey our appreciation to anyone taking that small effort to reuse, recycle or revive used items.

This incident made me realise that there can be other options too. We need to keep an open mind and welcome non-ideal options as well.

This incident served as a reminder to make it a habit to appreciate little changes anyone does, which directly/indirectly help mumma earth.

Because, appreciation & gratitude always has ripple effect.

sustainable menstruation

Sustainable Menstruation:

ecodhara

Hello and welcome to ecodhara!
Today, let’s talk about a topic that’s near and dear to me i.e. sustainable menstruation. Everyone knows what’s menstruation. Almost all of us know the menstrual products that are used during menstrual cycle but how many of us know the environmental ill-effects of these products?

A high percentage of menstruating women use disposable sanitary pads in India and some maybe using tampons. These sanitary pads have multiple problems w.r.t. people health and environmental health:

  1. They are full of plastic and not-so-good chemicals. This slide from greenthered foundation shows which harmful chemicals are used.
  2. ‎These pads are grow 30 times of their original size. So if not disposed off properly, they end up clogging the drains.
  3. If collected properly, menstrual products are burnt in incinerators. If these incinerators are not used at optimum capacity and setting, they generate harmful gases into the environment. We lack strict regulatory measures in this space.
  4. ‎Disposable products take 500-800 years to decompose. Need I say more? Definitely not good for Environment.

Need I say more? Definitely not good for environment and our health as well.

Then what’s the alternative? The alternative is sustainable menstrual products.

A product is sustainable if it can be used for long time, does not harm environment and can be adapted to normal routine.

The good news is, we have more than one alternative available. Three that I know of, two out of those I have used for years and one I am absolutely in love with. 🙂 Let’s talk about all of them one by one.

Reusable cloth pad with menstrual cup
  1. Menstrual cup:
    This is the product that I swear by. I am not an absolute master of using menstrual cup but surely above average! Enough bragging, lets understand what it is.
    This is a cup shaped menstrual product made up of medical grade silicon which is inserted into the vagina. Cup creates a suction seal and collects the blood flow. Once filled, it can be easily removed, cleaned with water and re-inserted for further use. Detailed videos about menstrual cup here:
  1. Reusable pads:
    Reusable pads are almost equivalent to disposable pads in terms of use. These are made up of cotton/hemp i.e. organic material and to be placed inside panty to collect the menstrual blood. Most cotton pads have similar capacity as disposable pad and you get similar variety in size as well.
    Reusable pads come in two types-
    These ones you can buckle up on outer side of panty and it stays in place. These other ones come as a pack of one liner and multiple inserts save from leaking outside and once the cotton cloth is fully wet you and remove one and reinsert other within same liner. More details in YouTube video here:
This is how old cloth pads look like (after 3 years)

Period panties:
I won’t talk much about these because I have zero practical experience. I have heard and read that these are super-comfortable, no problem of leaking as they run from end-to-end and easily washable. These also solve the problem of pads not staying in place and ending up in a leak.
There are two types in these as well – one where panty comes with a liner and inserts through which pad can be removed and re-inserted and in other type panty itself acts as a blood collector and can be used, cleaned and used again.
Another positive point of period panties is that even if you wear super tight pants, no outline will be visible. This can be positive point for cup as well I guess.. 😛

So that’s all here guys! let me know how you liked it.