Tag: thoughts

I understand now..

I understand motherhood better now…

ecodhara

One day, our neighbours visited us to meet our one-month-old baby. Casual conversations led to the challenges with infants. They have a teenage daughter. Reminiscing her childhood, they were explaining how they dealt with those early parenthood challenges.

It’s interesting how all parents have faced similar challenges, dealt with them differently and yet were able to come out of those situations successfully. It amuses me to think that so many babies are born everyday, there are only handful of issues that people face with infants and yet there is no foolproof solution. These problems include baby not sleeping, jaundice after birth, latching issue, feeding difficulties etc.  On the brighter side, these experiences help people connect with each other on a different level.

Amid our conversation my neighbour said, “She (their daughter) is a grown up now. She can even travel on her own.” 

Reflecting on my childhood I replied, “That should be okay, right? I was staying in hostel at her age.”

She responded, “Yeah, I know. She will also go to hostel in a few years.” 

She had accepted it as a fact but I could feel the sadness in her voice. 

First and foremost I regretted my response. So much is taught about good listening etiquette. I am aware that we should avoid comparing anyone’s experience. It doesn’t help the conversation, just ends up making other person uncomfortable. Yet I did it… A lesson to remember.

Also, I realised that I was still thinking as a daughter, not as a mother. I remember when I was in hostel, I used to go home almost every weekend. Even then, if my mother was in town for some office work, she used to visit me in hostel. She would bring me food, fold my clothes, tidy my bed etc. I remember thinking why she has to come to hostel when I would come home on weekend anyway. 

Maybe that day I saw what my mother might have felt and realised why she used to come all the way to meet me. Now she is no more, so I can’t even tell her that I understand her now. 

Guess I can just say that I am starting to understand motherhood now.

With my one month old baby
I understand now..

I understand cognitive overload now

ecodhara

We are planning to travel to my hometown with 2.5 months old baby. It will involve air travel where my husband and I have to manage the baby, 1 month worth of luggage. You might think one month of luggage for minimalists like us won’t be much and I agree. The problem is that our baby is not a minimalist, rather I would call her a maximalist. She needs bunch of clothes everyday and her mother being a Sustainbility enthusiast has increased her clothes. Where some people may manage by 4-5 diapers and can buy those anywhere, this baby needs 20-30 langots which are to be carried along. She needs a bather, feeding pillow, changing mat, toys etc. Again, mumma needs all of this for the baby to make her life on her terms. So it’s not exactly baby’s fault that she is a maximalist. 

Anyway, the luggage is quite significant with all of this and baby’s Baba is worried that we might not be able to manage both the baby and luggage during air travel. Mumma thinks that it won’t be a big concern and they have to come to consensus. Baba’s point is that the cognitive overload with the baby may make things difficult. We have to look after the baby the whole time which is a priority, babies are unpredictable. Then there’s check-in luggage and cabin baggage will also be higher with laptop & baby’s essentials (which are many). Amidst of all this if someone asks for ticket, ID card or something else, our hands and brain may not be free and it might make things tough. To all of this, I was my usual self thinking he is worrying too much and we will be able to manage. How? Somehow…

Last week we went out for breakfast. Our favourite coffee shop is just in front of breakfast place, so we decided to have coffee as well. My husband suggested that I sit inside car with the baby and he would bring coffee to the car, but I was sure that I can manage with the baby. So we crossed the road and went towards coffee shop. Then, there was an ‘easy to miss’ step near coffee shop and my downward visibility was limited as I was holding the baby. So my husband turned around to check whether I am able to see the step and he tried giving me a hand. In all of this, his foot dashed a sleeping dog which got up suddenly and bit his knee as a reflex. Fortunately, dog was old so the wound was shallow but it warranted doctor checkup as a preventive measure. He had to rush to the hospital to get it checked by doctor. Doctor prescribed four Rabies injections dose to be safe. 

In the evening, he said, “that’s what I mean by cognitive overload and risk associated with it”.

I understand it now…

Rather I should say I understand ‘him’ now!

Travelled finally!
Random thoughts

Life without regets

ecodhara

Doesn’t everyone want life without regrets? No regrets in life, small or big, no regrets at all…

Let me ask you, does anyone of us have that life? Without regrets?

We know that would be ideal and happiest life but it’s difficult, really difficult. This got me into thinking about the regrets that I feel and how they evolve.

Some regrets last hours. Most of them are generally ‘Why didn’t I say this at that moment?’ Or ‘Why did I say this? Why couldn’t I keep quiet or say something more sensible?’ These regrets die down in a some hours or a couple of days.

The regrets that last for days are mostly related to wasted opportunities. It is rethinking about the activities that I did or did not do. ‘Why did I do or did not do something at that time?’ category. ‘I could have used that time well… made some connections… completed XYZ’ etc.

Thinking about regrets lasting months or years, I don’t have many. These are mostly related to the decisions I took or did not take. I understand everything is a decision, but what we regret for years are the decisions that make lasting impact… These are related to something that matters to us like our friends, family, life, career and relationships.

That got me thinking about Minimalism.

The regret of not buying something that I liked vs regret of buying something impulsively that is lying unused in my house.

The ‘not buying’ regret lasts for hours or maybe days sometimes, because many times there will be an opportunity to buy again, scold someone else for wrong decision 😉 or just do without it.

Whereas ‘buying’ regret is a constant reminder whenever I look at that piece I bought trying to find ways to use it somehow. We fail every time and it adds to the regret one more time. This becomes days-months-years regret depending on how long that thing lies unused.

Then just don’t look at it… okay! Let’s think about it later, not now please! That’s how things end up in attic or in those top or corner shelves piling up clutter.

Isn’t that the case with you as well?

I think ‘buying’ weighs more than ‘not buying’ in most cases.

When thinking about how many times I regretted the trip that I took or some activity that I did vs no. of times I regretted not doing something, missing that experience. Here I think the latter weighs more.

We are social animals looking for some dopamine rush, wanting to feel happy. We can get some easy dopamine by buying something (not easy on pocket though!) or by doing some activity – better with others (this needs some push!).

As the days or years pass by, those activities we did, time we spent with friends and family, those awkward & interesting conversations, those funny moments and life lived then… these give us a gift that stays forever – memories! There would be hardly any regrets!

Why not put those efforts now, Choosing time over things and make sure that we make most of it. What do you think?